The Confessions

"I ghosted someone who was kind, funny and clearly into me because they were not conventionally attractive and I was worried what my friends would think. I am ashamed of that version of myself."

"I told my girlfriend I had never been in love before I met her. The truth is I was completely broken by someone else two years before and I have never fully recovered. She thinks she is healing someone whole. She is healing someone in pieces."

"I told my ex that I did not blame them for how things ended. I did blame them. I blamed them for years. I only stopped when I finally admitted to myself how much of it was my fault too."

"My husband thinks I cried at our wedding because I was happy. I was crying because I had spent the previous night seriously considering not showing up. Twenty two years later I am glad I showed up. But I never told him about that night."

"I ended a perfectly good relationship because I was convinced something better was out there. That was eleven years ago. I have not had a relationship last longer than eight months since. I think about her more than I should."

"My girlfriend thinks our first date went perfectly. Actually I nearly cancelled it twice, spilled wine on myself in the bathroom and called her the wrong name in my head all evening. What she read as calm confidence was blind terror."

"I broke up with someone who was genuinely good to me because my friends did not like them. I let other peoples opinions override my own heart. They married someone else last year. They look happy. I still wonder."

"I have never told my husband that the first year of our marriage I genuinely was not sure we had done the right thing. I kept waiting for the feeling to pass. It did pass. But those twelve months I carried alone were the loneliest of my life."

"I once drunkenly kissed someone at a work party. My partner never found out. It meant nothing but the nothing of it almost made it worse. I have been a better partner every day since. The guilt does not diminish."

"I pretended not to receive a message from someone who loved me because I did not know how to tell them I did not feel the same. I left them wondering for weeks. That was cruel and I knew it was cruel when I was doing it."