The Confessions

"I told my husband the reason I did not want children was medical. It is not medical. I simply do not want them and was afraid he would leave if I said so plainly. He deserved honesty and I gave him a story."

"I once drunkenly kissed someone at a work party. My partner never found out. It meant nothing but the nothing of it almost made it worse. I have been a better partner every day since. The guilt does not diminish."

"I once told someone I loved them for the first time purely because they said it first and the silence felt unbearable. I did love them eventually. But that first time was a lie born of panic."

"My husband thinks I cried at our wedding because I was happy. I was crying because I had spent the previous night seriously considering not showing up. Twenty two years later I am glad I showed up. But I never told him about that night."

"I have been married for fourteen years and I still think about someone I knew briefly at university. Not romantically exactly. More like wondering who I would have become if I had been brave enough to pursue that path. My wife is wonderful. The thought still comes."

"I ended a perfectly good relationship because I was convinced something better was out there. That was eleven years ago. I have not had a relationship last longer than eight months since. I think about her more than I should."

"I broke up with someone who was genuinely good to me because my friends did not like them. I let other peoples opinions override my own heart. They married someone else last year. They look happy. I still wonder."

"I have never told my husband that the first year of our marriage I genuinely was not sure we had done the right thing. I kept waiting for the feeling to pass. It did pass. But those twelve months I carried alone were the loneliest of my life."

"I told an ex I had moved on and was completely fine. I was not fine. I drove past her house three times that week. I am embarrassed by who I was then."

"I read my partners messages while they slept. I found nothing. No betrayal, no lies, nothing but kind words about me to their friends. I still check sometimes. I think the problem has always been me not them."