The Confessions

"I pretended not to receive a message from someone who loved me because I did not know how to tell them I did not feel the same. I left them wondering for weeks. That was cruel and I knew it was cruel when I was doing it."

"I told my husband the reason I did not want children was medical. It is not medical. I simply do not want them and was afraid he would leave if I said so plainly. He deserved honesty and I gave him a story."

"My girlfriend thinks our first date went perfectly. Actually I nearly cancelled it twice, spilled wine on myself in the bathroom and called her the wrong name in my head all evening. What she read as calm confidence was blind terror."

"I stayed with someone for eight months after I stopped loving them because I did not want to be alone over Christmas. I told myself I was being kind. I was being selfish. She planned a future with me during those eight months that I knew would never happen."

"I have to confess that many years ago I told my best friend I had always really cared for them and would do anything to help, yet when they really needed I just wasn't there for them. They did so much for me and truly loved me shown by their actions. I just didn't show up for them. I was so full of myself. I still wake in the night thinking how badly I let them down."

"I told my partner I had never been jealous in a relationship. What I meant was I had learned to hide it so well even I sometimes forgot it was there."

"I broke up with someone who was genuinely good to me because my friends did not like them. I let other peoples opinions override my own heart. They married someone else last year. They look happy. I still wonder."

"I once drunkenly kissed someone at a work party. My partner never found out. It meant nothing but the nothing of it almost made it worse. I have been a better partner every day since. The guilt does not diminish."

"I once told someone I loved them for the first time purely because they said it first and the silence felt unbearable. I did love them eventually. But that first time was a lie born of panic."

"I told my ex that I did not blame them for how things ended. I did blame them. I blamed them for years. I only stopped when I finally admitted to myself how much of it was my fault too."